Blog #6: Have We Really Reached the End?

Never thought I'd make it here. The end. Before I close all my 30 tabs for the Genius Project, it's only right to give one last reflection now that my presentation has finished. It's also literally required.

I decided to write little mini-journal entries, so y'all can kind of understand the roller coaster of emotions that was the last half of this week, facilitated by Spongebob gifs!

April 10th, 2019:

6:34 AM:

Help, help, help. It's WEDNESDAY MORNING. It's 6:34 AM right now, about an hour and 5-10 minutes away from when I'll be on that stage.

I'm half-panicking but also half-excited to end the project and ACTUALLY finish. Hopefully it'll go okay! Just need to run through it a couple more thousand times.

8:40 AM:

I presented. 

10:03 PM:

My failures of today are setting in more and more. There's nothing I can really do at this point. I guess I'll finish my very sad blog post tomorrow, but right now, I'm gonna' sleep. 

Now:

I've been asking around, and it turns out most people didn't know that I messed up. In case you didn't see my Ted Talk, or just didn't catch it, I forgot many pieces to my script and tried to cover it up with some improvisation. In my opinion, it didn't go over well. I thought I was a jumble of words and a stuttering mess, but hopefully I managed to convey my message in a somewhat coherent way? Helen recorded me (with my permission), but I haven't been able to bring myself to see it.

Actually, maybe my Ted Talk wasn't as bad as I thought.........Nah, it was probably really bad and everyone is just lying to me to make me feel better.

If I could do a do-over--actually, I did film a do-over on my old projector and posted it here just to redeem myself a little bit. But then I deleted it from this blog post, because I realized it probably was still the same quality as my actual Ted Talk because I still talked too fast and blanked a little bit. However, my thoughts were smoother, more collected, and more of a clean train of though.

My actual Ted Talk was anything but. And in retrospect, it was a bit of a dramatic exaggeration to say I forgot my entire script. I mean, I'd hope I didn't, I memorized for literally hours. I forgot pretty big pieces: I knew my points, but forgot all the supporting statements I wanted to include. Now that I can do what my literal message was: reflect, I can kind of see how everything I did was basically set up for failure.

What I did wrong #1:

My script was too complex.

My script was long, a nice 926 words. My style of writing speeches is to pair each point with a lot of examples, a lot of repetitive sentences and phrases to reaffirm or emphasize my point, but in actuality, it made my script too complex and I needed to remember more than I probably needed to.

What I did wrong #2:

I did the bulk of my memorization when I had the worst mental state for it.

Most of my memorizing was at night. I memorized my script at odd hours, I'm talking like past midnight. While I memorized it, it wasn't as efficient and effective as it could've been if I was more awake and conscious to actually retain everything.

What I did wrong #3 (we're at three now?):

My note cards were unusable. 

I used 25 note cards, and I wrote them in the most inefficient way possible. Because I just like making things difficult for myself.

I don't know why my naive little brain decided to DOUBLE SPACE my notecards. In my Multiple Intelligence presentation and my brain presentation, I literally never wrote out my entire script. I only wrote out a little outline of my main points and little phrases I was prone to missing. And as far as I can tell, it worked. My Multiple Intelligence presentation needed two flashcards, and my brain project needed one, and I barely used either of them.

But for some reason, I decided to write out the entire speech, but I was worried of getting lost in a big block of words on each card, unable to find where I was. So I thought double spacing was a good idea. It was not.

On stage, when I started losing track of where I was, I tried to figure it out by looking at my cards, which I hadn't flipped since I started speaking. But because I double spaced it, it look like 4 cards to flip past the 4 sentences for my FIRST paragraph. And I had already spent too much time looking at my cards, and I panicked and just gave up on using them.

I suggest doing an outline, if not for your entire project, then just for each slide. If you have to write out your entire script, just please, for the love of god, DO NOT double space. I probably don't even need to tell you all, because you probably already knew this, and it was just me out of the loop.

What I did wrong #4:

I went into my presentation KNOWING I had to cut some out.

My finished script was over 5 minutes when I read it slowly and clearly, so I knew going up on that stage I would cut out a few of my sentences where I was just reiterating my point over and over. And that is NOT a good idea. Your script should be finalized, don't plan to change it only in the presentation but not in practice. That gives you a responsibility to worry about instead of just reciting your script.

What I did wrong #5: Most of all...

I let it get to my head.

When I was just starting, the idea of me presenting to people on a stage was daunting, but not quite nightmare status yet. But as I started messing up--as I started reaching for the words I memorized for so long, but couldn't find them--I started thinking oH MY GOD THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE THEY ARE LOOKING AT ME. THEIR EYES ARE ON ME. THEY SEE ME MESSING UP. WHY AM I SO HIGH UP?

Hindsight 20/20, it really isn't that bad to talk in front of an audience, as a dear Helen Chang told me, it's only 5 minutes of my life, but I desperately wanted those 5 minutes to be over. This definitely contributed to some freaking out I did on the stage, and I have no clue how to prevent that, I think it just comes with the personality.

Overall, the main reason why I didn't well, is because of how nervous I was. And I don't really know how to remedy that. I don't think I'll ever be good at presenting, especially on a stage, but I tried to cover up my forgetfulness and tried to synthesize all my discombobulated thoughts together. Who knows? Maybe it turned out better than I thought.

Let's assess my progress over all 6 weeks, real quick.

I did mostly follow my timeline. Week three, of course, I decided to focus on body poses again, and I was really glad I did, since that was the most fun week, for me.

And I did, kind of, forget about my scale--ahem, sorry, the "The Scale that Measures How Objectively Good and How Objectively Bad This Drawing Is" Scale™

Let me put my three final paintings on it:

Here they are for reference:

(From left to right) Albert Einstein, Allie, and McPerlman

I think the only reason why these paintings are so high is because the glitter effect is actually really cool. Even if glitter is evil and out to get me.

Oh wait, I almost forgot to rank my presentation as a true measure of my accomplishments.

Again. Totally objective.

What did I do right? You may ask? 

Well, I actually thought my intro, while not interesting, was kind of cute. I compiled clips from my friends' projects (thanks Krosky for making the group of all freshman more diverse) to kind of show a culminating little video for the Genius Project.

I also tried to make my powerpoint interesting, but I don't know how much I actually succeeded in that.

A Final Word: the irony is not lost on me that the main message of my presentation was: "When all you feel is disappointment, reflect on what's holding you back!", and I'm writing this right now, reflecting on the disappointment that was my presentation. But in all honesty, I'm glad for this project, because I was truly able to have fun with my project and my paintings. And I hope to become better at presenting and improvising! So, maybe messing up on stage was worth the lessons I learned? Tit for tat, I guess.

So an open letter to the Genius Project, because I just can't stop making this blog longer and longer:

Dear Genius Project,

Thank you for the blood, sweat, and tears! I truly mean it when I say you're probably one of the most difficult projects I've ever done, because of the personal walls and disappointment I had to face, as well as probably the most nerve-wracking, anxious presentation I've been daunted with to date. Looking back at all my blogs, I find it endearing to look at my little scribbles of drawings, and see what they've become throughout the weeks. I may have glitter stuck in my floors, on my clothes, in my mom's eye, and my dog's stomach, but I'm honest to god proud of what I accomplished. You may have been the most stressful project I've had thus far (I actually can't remember how stressed I was for the last two so I'm really just saying this just for dramatic effect), but you were probably my favorite. Don't tell Brain Project and Multiple Intelligence that though, you know how jealous they get.

Sincerest Regards of the Best,

Katie Lu

Time to burn all my terrible, terrible note cards and make a glitter painting of the ashes.

Citations:

Will anyone notice this is not a real citation?

Blog #5: T minus 3 Days!

We are how approaching the final Ted Talk so fast, I'm getting motion sickness (does anyone have a vomit bag?) Taking an assessment of my skills that I've acquired and built upon for the last six weeks, I can confirm that I can sorta do glitter painting! WoO! Just not glitter speed painting. So, that's a bummer. But I'm used to failures at this point.

I mean all my timelapses and paintings reached about 40-60 minutes each, so I already suspected that I wouldn't be able to paint anything in less than 5 minutes. I still called it glitter speed painting, though, because that sounds cooler and less lame. So, for the rest of this blog post, whenever I call something 'glitter speed painting' it's short (or long) for 'glitter painting'. 

Now that the Ted Talk is becoming much more real, and less like a nightmare that only appears in the deep, dark depths of my sleep, I'm realizing that I need to choose a focus, and fast. Because so far, my paintings have been based on paintings that other people have made: easily recognizable famous figures, like Marilyn Monroe, Princess Leia, and my subject, Albert Einstein.

I need to try something new, more geared towards to myself and my own interests, because Albert Einstein, even though we are birthday twins, I don't feel like I'm expressing any of my creative interests when I draw or paint him. But it still wouldn't hurt to put him on the canvases I bought.

Yikes. I mean, it's alright. But my test on regular-sized cardstock turned out much better... In my opinion.

What I did wrong:

1. In general, I think his face shape is wrong. Either it was wrong in the cardstock photo or it's wrong here on canvas. There's something about the new one that feels too round to me.

2. His hair is just everywhere. My brush strokes were too thick, and couldn't paint fine hair.

3. Eyes, nose, mouth and other features are not well defined. This is a problem with any glitter painting.

4. I think a major problem that contributes to a lot of issues was the fact the paint kept drying. This is a similar problem that I faced when I was working with Elmer's glue. So frustrating, because I would then forget whether the line I'd be painting was supposed to be painted or not. In a bunch of these, I'd go over the person's eyebrow without realizing, and then I'd have to wait for that spot to dry.

But regardless, it was time to do the fun paintings. I did Allie next. And the pressure was on, because if I screwed her portrait up, she'll actually see it...

Timelapses are some of the most exhausting things to edit. The files are way too large to just email or transfer via phone cord, so I always just use a little phone editor to speed the videos up before transferring using the cord. So here are a few photos that show how I first tested a drawing of Allie on plain printer paper:

Also Allie if I screwed up your face I am so sorry please do not kill me I tried my best.

I redrew it on my black canvas.

Kinda creepy.

The most annoying thing about these canvases is that eraser marks don't really go away, they just leave an annoying light mark on the canvas. So I did not drew random lines along Allie's cheeks, nor does she have a second eyebrow above her left one, it's the eraser. 

I gotta say, I'm the most proud of this one of all the ones I did today, because of maybe the sheer amount of glitter (gave kinda a cool effect), and it looks kind of like her? It looks way better in person by the way, if you're in morning block, you'll see it come presentation time.

But of course, there's still a bunch of stuff I lacked.

Namely:

1. Again, not clearly defined eyes, nose, mouth, and other features. I am sensing a theme.

2. Some little spots the glitter didn't stick to, makes the painting look a little weird.

3. Smile is just creepy. I have no idea how to fix that.

4. The hair line seems a little bit muddled, should make that more precise.

Alright, we're busting through these now! If you checked out blog #3, you would know I was trying a full body painting to push the envelope a little bit. This is definitely the worst one, because this style of painting does not fair well with a full body where there's a little of teeny tiny details. But I still tried it with a picture of McPerlman. 

Photo courtesy of... Actually I forgot who sent me this. But it's pure gold.

Of course, I wanted to portray the photo in art form, but that did not pan out as I had planned. I just did the outline of the figure, since trying to do all the little details would literally make me lose all grip of reality and complete my descent into madness.

I'm actually a little bit disheartened by the final results, I felt like I put a lot of effort into the sketch on printer paper (see the video), and it turned out pretty decent. But then the real one that I have to present just looks sloppy. 

What I did wrong (besides everything):

1. The lines are too inconsistent and sloppy. Some are really thick, way too thick, and others are too wavy. Others are too thin.

2. Mr. McDaniels's shoes are just barely shoes. They're like incomprehensible blobs.

3. Proportions are off, as usual. 

But overall, since these are my final products, they show my progress through the weeks, from a person who can barely draw to a person who can draw. Can said person make a good glitter speed painting? That's questionable.

But the homestretch is here now, it's only a matter of days until I'll be on that dreaded stage, face bright red, stuttering in a fluster of nerves, talking about glitter speed painting when it's actually just glitter painting. Can't. Wait.

Katie, you're so melodramatic.